His Whispers

As of recently I have been taking the KLOVE challenge and listen to KLOVE only for 30 days. See how the Lord changes your life. So far I love KLOVE! Their music is up to "date" and I have to say my outlook on life recently has been in a positive light.
I was listening yesterday and Casting Crowns' Song "Just Another Birthday" came on. I had heard it a good amount of times, but today I was only with one of my daughter's, and if you're a mother of daughters, you and I both know that the less amount of daughters in the car with you the more you can actually hear the song. Haha! My daughter Lilly was with me and she is usually very quiet in the car.
I noticed that while being in the car with her I heard this song in a whole new light. I think that over the last 9 years I've been dealing with the grief of my dad passing away. He was never able to be a grandfather to my kids, and I know he would have enjoyed so much to spend time with them. I had my first daughter after he had passed unexpectedly. He had a heart attack and I had a hard time dealing with never really getting to say good bye. I still have a hard time now and then.
After hearing these lyrics from Casting Crowns' Just Another Birthday:


Jesus can You hear me
Come and heal my brokenness
Put the Pieces back together
And to be a Father to the Fatherless
I know that the context of the song, is an entirely different situation, but I felt a realization to my questions of why it all had to happen. I felt like God had said, " I took your father from you because he did all he needed to do for me. I am now the Father you need to rely on. I am to be the Father to you, the Fatherless. I was indeed broken inside, needed to heal and needed Jesus in my life. It's really been eye opening to me. I shouldn't dwell on the grief, in fact grieving should be done, but not dwelled upon, Jesus has been there the whole time, but I wasn't open to seeing him in the first few years. It's becoming easier to leave my troubles at Jesus' feet. Knowing that the Lord would hear my prayers, and putting my faith that he will handle it in his time.
I have to say I finally feel like my question of "Why did he have to die?" has been answered, and reaffirmed through this song's lyrics. It was like a light bulb popped on. He was here for the things the Lord felt he needed to teach me. Now I need to use those things he taught me, and let God be my father through these times of life where I need a father figure.


Proverbs 3:6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.


It's taken me 9 years to realize this. The Lord never gave up on me. For this I am humbled and feel Loved.

Sunny Days.

It's now October, and we are in Toledo, Ohio. It should already be "fall-like" conditions, and in the next few days it's going to hit Upper 70's and almost mid-80's ! I see the leaves changing colors already.. it has to be one of my favorite things to see. I grew up in Seattle, so my whole life we saw a little bit of change of colors, but mostly everything was a certain Evergreen type of tree. Not to say we didn't have other trees, more like we just saw the leaves go yellow and then fall. In Ohio and other surrounding Midwest states, there are so many wonderful vibrant colors through the trees.

When I first made my way to Ohio, it was this time of the year. My then boyfriend, now husband Eric, took me down to Kent State for a concert there. I was amazed at all the colors through the hills. I couldn't believe it. I took it all in, with as many memory photographs as I could. I knew it existed I just didn't know that I would be driving through it all. I could only imagine then someday I would see it each and every year.

My children haven't been able to see all the greenery and water that surrounds Seattle yet. Only in photos. I have to say, I miss the mountains that you take for granted that see every day when you live in the Pacific Northwest. It's gorgeous. No matter which way you look you see these majestic scenes of snow covered mountains. I really would love for my kids to see them. Especially during the spring or fall. When you have a crisp clear day, Mt. Rainier shines in the sun like nothing you'd ever believe. It was by far my most favorite sight there. I hope that they get the chance to take it all in some day.

But I digress, it's been lovely here. Today would have been my dad's 54th birthday. He loved a beautiful day. My girl's played outside after school today, with the slight breeze, and the summer's sunset in the East. I spent many days with my dad, while he was alive, watching sunsets in the East because our apartment building faced that way. We had huge windows that wrapped around our living room. It would warm our living room at night, just perfect. Though he would usually complain left and right about how the sun was in his eyes while watching whatever show, he would always mention the sunset if it was a gorgeous one, and usually it was just that.

My girls never had the chance to meet him, but each one of them have a little bit in him. Emma has his humor. Hannah has his stubbornness. And Lilly, she has his eyes. I see him, in her, all the time. He would have loved them all in their own silly ways. I sometimes feel cheated by God, when it comes to my Dad being gone too early for my liking. Maybe more like I feel my girls were cheated out of having a Grandpa. Not to discredit my husband's father. He was a wonderful loving Poppa. He spoiled those two older girls like crazy, but would deny it until he was blue in the face. Haha. He and Emma had a really strong connection and Emma was only 2 when he passed away. I don't know if she really remembers him, but she lives to hear stories of when her and Poppa hung out. Now my father in law Don would love a beautiful day too. He would sit on his front porch and watch every car go down the block. Listen to his country music and just enjoy his day sitting, watching and listening.

It's really something when the simplest thing like a sunny day, brings back memories. I really enjoyed today. So did my kids. For that I am blessed.