A lot of what our family is going through right now, is being with a little less this season, and learning to cope with children asking questions, and requesting this or that. My husband has been without a job since the end of October, and since he was sick, (reason behind loosing his job) he was not able to file for unemployment. It hasn't been fun, to have to tell our kids no so often, but they are aware that we don't have the extra money for this or that.
This morning at the bus stop, I had to tell my daughter no, that we couldn't get a present for an exchange at school. Even a 2 dollar gift for a girl, that they send a note the week before, throws me off, and well we just really can't afford it. I haven't really flat out told my daughters that we have nothing for extra stuff, because well they settle for the "We just don't have it right now." excuse pretty well. I am hoping that the teachers plan for things like that.
Now, God plays into this too. He will provide for the things we need, at his own pace. Which right now doesn't seem to be at my pace, but that's something I work on everyday. Learning to put my faith in him through prayers, and patience. So far we have not gone without. He always comes through with whatever is needed. It's just a frustrating time of year. Hoping that although my mother in law is always a great grandma to our children and they, thanks to her, are going to have a great Christmas, I hate having to depend on others for my children's happiness.
It's really difficult to not break down in front of my kids, and luckily we were able to get them each 3 toys for under our tree, which actually is what I wanted under our tree. Why you ask? I wanted them to learn that when Jesus was born, he was given 3 gifts. It was enough for him, why would it not be enough for them? Not only that, I really want them to know what the gift that God gave us, with the birth of Jesus. To learn that they will always find hope and faith in God no matter what happens, and praying that our needs are met, no matter what time it comes, its in his plan. Jesus gives us the chance to pray to God and for him to listen to our prayers. I hope that God has been hearing their prayers. I have asked them to pray for their Dad, for their family near and far, and for friends and people they don't even know. Asking God to bless them with the same things that we are so lucky to have.
I am usually an optimistic person. I say usually because, well I'm human and sometimes things just happen, and I can't bare it all. This is when I usually say, "Jesus take care of this because, I can't bare it alone!" It's easier said with your mouth, than with your heart. Sometimes I have to ask multiple times, but it does finally lift off of my heart.
Sometimes you have to remember that God gave you free will. Mistakes are made, by your choices of free will. You also can not keep blaming old mistakes or sins, you've got to move on from them, and learn from them. My husband's last job was a double edged sword. 12-16hr shifts 7 days a week sometimes, not knowing if he would be working a 8, 12 or 16hr shift because in their contract, they have 20 mins before your shift ends to let you know what you will be actually working. But the paychecks were nice, and we had all our bills paid each month and extra money to spend if we wanted to use it. My kids didn't get to see their Dad, except on maybe the weekend, because 2nd shift is the shifts of weekend Dad's and Mom's. But it was a job, and we weren't struggling. I don't know how to say this without sounding ungrateful, but How is a family supposed to function, without a parent around during the week. How is a sick parent able to rebound from being sick, if they expect you to work those kind of hours? I've been praying for a first shift job for my husband. I don't even care what they pay him at this point. I know God will provide for whatever we need, but I hate seeing my husband here, just unhappy and depressed, and feeling like he is failing his children and wife.
I just ask that if you pray, please pray for our family and that our needs are met, our faith is strengthened and that we as a family become closer.