I was listening yesterday and Casting Crowns' Song "Just Another Birthday" came on. I had heard it a good amount of times, but today I was only with one of my daughter's, and if you're a mother of daughters, you and I both know that the less amount of daughters in the car with you the more you can actually hear the song. Haha! My daughter Lilly was with me and she is usually very quiet in the car.
I noticed that while being in the car with her I heard this song in a whole new light. I think that over the last 9 years I've been dealing with the grief of my dad passing away. He was never able to be a grandfather to my kids, and I know he would have enjoyed so much to spend time with them. I had my first daughter after he had passed unexpectedly. He had a heart attack and I had a hard time dealing with never really getting to say good bye. I still have a hard time now and then.
Jesus can You hear me
Come and heal my brokenness
Put the Pieces back together
And to be a Father to the Fatherless
I know that the context of the song, is an entirely different situation, but I felt a realization to my questions of why it all had to happen. I felt like God had said, " I took your father from you because he did all he needed to do for me. I am now the Father you need to rely on. I am to be the Father to you, the Fatherless. I was indeed broken inside, needed to heal and needed Jesus in my life. It's really been eye opening to me. I shouldn't dwell on the grief, in fact grieving should be done, but not dwelled upon, Jesus has been there the whole time, but I wasn't open to seeing him in the first few years. It's becoming easier to leave my troubles at Jesus' feet. Knowing that the Lord would hear my prayers, and putting my faith that he will handle it in his time.
I have to say I finally feel like my question of "Why did he have to die?" has been answered, and reaffirmed through this song's lyrics. It was like a light bulb popped on. He was here for the things the Lord felt he needed to teach me. Now I need to use those things he taught me, and let God be my father through these times of life where I need a father figure.